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Writer's pictureKelly Diaz

The Stranger in the Mirror

Updated: Apr 13, 2021

At this point, I am not inclined to post pics of my new hairstyle. Perhaps by the time I finish writing this post, I’ll be predisposed to do so, but for the moment, I’m still adjusting to it. Noel, the man who cuts my hair, did an amazing job. It is exactly what I asked for, even better than the pictures. As he deftly wielded his clippers and scissors, I watched in fascination as my silver and gray locks floated to the floor in a feathery heap and a new me took shape in the mirror in front of me. I’ve worn my hair short before, but that was many, many years ago, and it was never THIS short. I didn’t have to cut it quite so short. I didn’t have to cut it at all. But I knew I wanted to try wearing some fashionable wigs, and shorter is much better for that purpose. I also considered that once I undergo the transplant, all of it will be gone anyway, so I thought it would give me a glimpse into how I might look once I’m bald. It certainly accomplishes that.


Thursday night John took me out to eat. He knew I was struggling with how I felt about my new look. I would probably describe my mood as brooding or pensive. It wasn’t that I didn’t like it. I just wasn’t able to put my finger on exactly how I was feeling and why. That is, until the next morning. Clarity often comes to me in the mornings.


As I tumbled out of bed swaying a little as I found my balance and made my way to my bathroom vanity, I gazed for a moment at my reflection in the mirror and it suddenly hit me...


I look like a lesbian.


Now, before someone gets all in an uproar, I don’t mean anything disparaging by that. I am merely stating a fact. A lot of lesbians wear their hair very short. Mine is probably a number 2 buzz cut on the sides and definitely in the back. I think there are many lesbians whose short haircuts look quite attractive on them, but I realized the brooding feeling I exhibited last night at dinnertime was precisely because of a yet unidentified self-consciousness that I have now identified. The pictures of the lovely models sporting the cut I showed to Noel yesterday were very attractive and chic. That was the look I was going for, and I guess my initial perspectives didn’t quite measure up. Maybe it’s because of my age. Maybe it’s something else. Whatever it is, it will take getting used to.


I have shared a picture or two with my cousin, my friend Melody, and my sister, all of whom were complimentary in their responses to it. When my sister texted asking about my hair, I was reticent at first.


“Take a selfie and send it to me,” she wrote.


“Brace yourself,” I texted back. I sent her a couple of pics I took from just after the haircut. Her response gave me a different perspective on it. She told me I looked “vogue,” which was the look I was hoping for. Some minutes later she texted telling me that she had forwarded the pictures to her daughter and son, Ashley and Kyle. Ashley loved it, and Kyle said the same thing my son Keifer said, “She looks like Grams.” That is a reference to my beloved mom, and in both instances, it brought tears to my eyes. We are approaching the 21st anniversary of her passing. She was the same age I am now and had battled breast cancer for 9 years, which makes it all the more poignant.


Mom was very expressive and often used idioms, like, “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.” If she were here now, she would probably remind me of the proverb that I have inscribed on a small plaque that sits in my living room. One could apply it to any and every situation, including the seemingly endless consequences of our current pandemic condition, as well as my own. I look at it often and am reminded of its truth. And I think of God’s unconditional love for me and one of my favorite verses that I used as my “Quote” on this blog and that a dear friend reminded me of recently:


“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:38-39




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8 Comments


Unknown member
Mar 24, 2021

Your way with words is moving, but of course you know that. This too shall pass....

The new hairdo does look great friend!

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Kelly Diaz
Kelly Diaz
Mar 24, 2021
Replying to

Thank you, Brandon!

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Kendall Lunsford
Kendall Lunsford
Mar 22, 2021

I was very impressed with the "you" I saw on Saturday! The new hair is fabulous! The brave person under the new style is even better! It was really good to see you!

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ke7weo
Mar 21, 2021

Still just as beautiful as ever! It's in your eyes and your soul my dear! The lord is with you! Love always

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sdace81
sdace81
Mar 20, 2021

I think it looks great! You could be a model! It made me start looking at short haircuts again! Remember when mom had lost her hair and went to our church Halloween party dressed like an alien👽? We went to the costume shop and she rented a costume and them proceeded to put designs on her head using glitter!!! I’ll have to find that picture! The great thing is; hair grows back pretty quick! Hope it’s sunny there today and you can go to the beach for me!

Love ya!

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Kelly Diaz
Kelly Diaz
Mar 20, 2021
Replying to

How could I forget that Halloween party! Mom was always so positive and found the fun and humor in every situation. Thank you, Shelly, for helping me feel comfortable and confident with my new look. I love you too! ❤️❤️❤️

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yardner
Mar 20, 2021

Another great post in your journey. For a time such as this, what a great look. I am glad you posted the pictures. Both before and after together. The look of an ornery smile with pursed lips I have to admit made me inwardly giggle a bit. I think you look great and the inner beauty still gushes out my friend! Thanks again for the post!

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